Crazy Horoscopes - Christmas Edition

Sagittarius

November 22 - December 21

You are Christmas lights, but there is a blackout.

Capricorn

December 22 - January 19

You are Christmas socks, hung on the wall, but already worn and unwashed. #Smelly

Aquarius

January 20 - February 18

You are the Christmas star on top of the Christmas tree. Hard to reach. (It could be a good or a bad thing.)

Pisces

February 19 - March 20

You are one of the three kings. Prepare for a challenging journey -- finding the star in the sky on a cloudy night, safeguarding your gifts from thieves, explaining your case to King Herod Duterte that you are not trafficking drugs, plus navigating your way to where the Savior is because it's super traffic nowadays. (Hint: The Savior will be born somewhere in Minglanilla.)

Aries

March 21 - April 19

You are a Christmas gift wrapper. No matter how nice you are, in the end, you'll end up torn and dumped.

Taurus

April 20 - May 20

You are a nativity scene or a belen. While everybody else is attending Christmas parties, belen ra ka at home.

Gemini

May 21 - June 20

You are a Christmas ball. In your lovelife, you could be left hanging.

Cancer

June 21 - July 22

You are a Christmas tree. People will want to have their pictures taken with you.

Leo

July 23 - August 22

You are a reindeer. If the presents don't get delivered on time, you are to blame. Prepare an alibi.

Virgo

August 23 - September 22

You are a mistletoe. Like in the song, you will see everyone kiss, but you won't get a kiss yourself.

Libra

September 23 - October 22

You are a bell, so that means you can jingle all the way, whatever that means.

Scorpio

October 23 - November 21

You are Christmas bonus. Everybody's waiting for you, you could make them happy, but in the end, you will not be enough.

And remember, don't believe in horoscopes, or you'll go crazy!