Monday, December 12, 2016

Crazy Horoscopes - Christmas Edition

November 22 - December 21
You are Christmas lights, but there is a blackout.

December 22 - January 19
You are Christmas socks, hung on the wall, but already worn and unwashed. #Smelly

January 20 - February 18
You are the Christmas star on top of the Christmas tree. Hard to reach. (It could be a good or a bad thing.)

February 19 - March 20
You are one of the three kings. Prepare for a challenging journey -- finding the star in the sky on a cloudy night, safeguarding your gifts from thieves, explaining your case to King Herod Duterte that you are not trafficking drugs, plus navigating your way to where the Savior is because it's super traffic nowadays. (Hint: The Savior will be born somewhere in Minglanilla.)

March 21 - April 19
You are a Christmas gift wrapper. No matter how nice you are, in the end, you'll end up torn and dumped.

April 20 - May 20
You are a nativity scene or a belen. While everybody else is attending Christmas parties, belen ra ka at home.

May 21 - June 20
You are a Christmas ball. In your lovelife, you could be left hanging.

June 21 - July 22
You are a Christmas tree. People will want to have their pictures taken with you.

July 23 - August 22
You are a reindeer. If the presents don't get delivered on time, you are to blame. Prepare an alibi.

August 23 - September 22
You are a mistletoe. Like in the song, you will see everyone kiss, but you won't get a kiss yourself.

September 23 - October 22
You are a bell, so that means you can jingle all the way, whatever that means.

October 23 - November 21
You are Christmas bonus. Everybody's waiting for you, you could make them happy, but in the end, you will not be enough.

And remember, don't believe in horoscopes, or you'll go crazy!

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